The environment is everything. It includes the people, resources and expectations just as much as the place and space around us. The clothes we wear. The timetable. The praise and the punishments. Everything around us makes up our environment.
When our senses are heightened, like when we are autistic, our environment becomes more important. When we are anxious, the importance of the environment increases. When we feel unsafe, even slightly, our environment can either help or harm us. Our environment is that crucial.
When children do not feel safe in the school environment it is not because it is an unsafe environment for everyone, it is because it is an unsafe environment for that child at that time. Our experience of our environment is specific to us and changes all of the time. No-one can tell us what we experience. They shouldn't even try, but they do.
Parents who are working with school to make environmental changes for their child are too often told "we don't see that here", "they're fine in school", and "they need to push themselves". School staff will put the pressure on a struggling child to keep masking, keep pushing, and keep running with galactic levels of resilience in order to "get their mark". This must stop. Seriously, this is harmful and must stop, now!
At the very least it should be fair to expect professionals to:
Listen and try to understand the child's experience
Believe what a parent is saying
Unfortunately, far too many school staff fail to do even that and every day I'm told, "they don't believe me". This ignorance does not help, it is unnecessary and it:
- Damages relationships
- Obliterates trust
- Is gaslighting
- Is harming families
- Stops valuable conversations
Rarely do I hear about professionals who genuinely:
Empathise with families
listen, carefully and with curiosity
validate what is said.
But this is what we need! When we find professionals who listen carefully and validate, hold on to them!
We understand professionals are under pressure and they have probably seen and heard these stores hundreds of times, but that does not make them any less true or any less deserving of support!
Ultimately, we are on the same team. We all want what's best for the children. We all want the children to be healthy, educated and empowered. We all know the system is the problem, not the people.
Changes in the environment can create positive change for everyone!